April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month How can we truly affect change?
Writen by Amber Dreger, Mental Health Counsellor
I am a regular volunteer with Survivor’s Hope SARAH Program- providing 24/7 crisis support and advocacy to folks affected by sexual violence in the Interlake-Eastern area of Manitoba.
A couple weeks ago I got to do an interview with Global News Winnipeg who was doing a feature on Survivor’s Hope with the opening of their new building in Selkirk.
I really started thinking about these “awareness” months. If nearly half of women and 1 in 6 men (statistics are reported in the binary) have experienced sexualized violence- we are pretty aware of this aren’t we?
I love that Global News featured an organization like Survivor’s Hope. Not only are they a critical source of all kinds of support for survivors- but they also actively work towards prevention. And I think that we should be tying in prevention or support discussions into all of these “awareness months.”
What would that look like for sexualized violence?
Well, let’s start easy- consent.
(FRIES graphic courtesy of Northern Marianas Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence)
Bodily autonomy is a fundamental human right that we all have to make decisions about our body without fear of violence. How often do we unconsciously violate this right?
Think of children who are coerced into hugging relatives, or parents who talk for them instead of letting them answer. Think of school dress codes, and inaccessible spaces, think of health care and abortion and gender affirming care.
It starts young- but the effects are vast.
How can we start practicing consent in our everyday life?
1. Ask if your friend has capacity for your to vent about your day before you do.
2. Ask before touching- “Are you a hugger?”
3. Ask “Do you mind if I take pictures? May I post them to social media?” Not everyone wants their face on someone else’s social media.
4. Recognize when someone’s body language says no- even if their words say yes- do they hesitate? Back away? Does their tone of voice sound unsure? That’s a “no” babe. Respect it.
What is self consent?
Notice when you want to say no- honor that. It can be really hard in the beginning. It gets easier, the more you practice. Are you tired? Rest. Have to use the bathroom? Go now. Notice how you feel in your body when you are doing something you don’t want to do. How does it feel in your body when you say “yes” instead of “no?”
For myself, it’s usually a tightness in the chest or a pit in my stomach. A feeling of dread.
What does it feel like to say yes? Is there excitement? Does your voice get loud and animated? Are you smiling?
Being aware of your own body cues helps to build trust in yourself. When you have trust, you can learn to honor what it is that you really want.
And of course- give yourself permission to change your mind!
Just because you gave one answer before, doesn’t mean you have to stick with it. Yesterday, I wanted spaghetti for supper today. But I’ve changed my mind and I’m going to make chicken instead. Who says I have to make the spaghetti?! Yes, it’s a simple example, and we all know life is so much more complicated than spaghetti or chicken. But consent doesn’t have to be.
